Thursday, July 13, 2017

Controlled emotions, straight face and calculated talk.

I took down my no make up selfie from my Facebook profile. It was fine but some one said that my recent uploads are giving a look of a depress and lone gal.

Maybe it is because I have stalled doing things which used to make me happy. or maybe they are my eyes. They are  big and like that. They don't lie. I didn't explain him anything though. There is no need to explain anything to anyone. Well, whatever it was, has been passed. I have alert face now. Being open about you has its down in real world. My problem is my emotions. They are on my face. Working so hard to regulated them. I am mostly smiling, showing my teeth, happy, sad for a while back to happy. It is consider a week point of mine. 

My observation and experience had made me sure that people with controlled emotions, straight face and calculated talk are successful. I am opposite of all that. No one ever told me how to be calculated. Telling your feeling is considered complains. It has negative impact. 

 On a phone call with S, I told her straight I don't know. She wanted to know few info related to work as we are still on our summer break. Why I dish out any info to her?  So, they later tell others that, she told me. Calculated and cunning behavior suffocate me. But this is the name of game. 

I never had any set back because of my openness but it feels like it is not much appreciated.  

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Too much to handle.

There are quite handful of people who are still after Qandeel Baloch even after almost one year of her tragic and ironic death. One biopic tele film "Baghi" on her is coming out as well. They are all trying their best to figure out who she was, what she did so wrong that she had to die in such horrific way.  Some blame society, some blame media, some says she asked for it. There is also one Facebook page "Qandeel ki Kahani" with the aim to tell the world about real Qandeel Baloch.

Best of luck.

Being so brutally honest, unapologetically stubborn to achieve your goal in a society where everyone is a moral police is not a joke. No one can win here what she was trying so hard. In the end, she had to pay the price.

Her grit helped her to climb the social leader. Her struggle from a small village to a city wasn't easy. With her hard work and determination she completed her education, and became finally financially stable. Many don't know that she was a successful bossiness woman. Her family in the village of South Punjab was financially depended on her. 

She opt for the social media just for fun after saying almost good bye to the showbiz. In her own words while speaking to Sohail Warraich in his famous show on Geo T.V " Eik Din Geo Ky Saath," this showbiz was not her thing." Even though she tried. 

She got in notice because of her controversial video on her Facebook page. They were entertaining of some sort. Once she offered to strip if Pakistan wins the match. That video got viral. She started posting more and got in trouble. Rest is history.   

For public she was a joke. 

For her she was one woman army. 

Being on the social media like she was in Pakistan is risky. Pakistani showbiz people and celebrities have found out that  do what public want: Family Entertainment. They are alert and conscious. There is no conflict between them and their audience. They are more religious than anyone, and  as traditional and family oriented as any Pakistani. Otherwise they would have been rejected long ago. No one can lie for that long.  

Her life or death can't change Pakistani society. It will not liberate Pakistani society from its extreme level of hypocrisy. People are way smart. They know how to fulfill their all kinda needs. 

Then why taking risk?

 Majority here have no issue with anything. They are okay with conservative ways of living. No one here fights for the right of freedom because no one wants it. People respect their cultural, norms, tradition and everything in between. Thus they don't want anyone to bring any kinda change. Every other thing they find conflicting their existing set up is unacceptable. Everyone has right to do whatever that person is doing is no such thing.

Those minority who wanna  do "other" things, do behind  the close doors. That is the way it is. They are at least safe, alive and mentally in peace.

Therefore, whatever she was doing didn't go well. She was fighting  a lost battle every day to be accepted by the audience who some how had rejected her. Her struggle was more psychological than physical. There was no one with her on that. Such fights are exhausting and waste of time. Those people were only on her page to take out their own frustration by insulting her. She was too much for them to handle.  They wanted her to repent or die.

What  she was doing was nothing extra ordinarily. Like any woman in her twenties all around the world, she was having fun. Public use social networking sites to share their meal, shower, ice cream, cleavage, shoes and what not. They also  have their fair amount of followers and haters.
 Her mistake was her Facebook page for wrong crowd. Millions of women in this world are showing off in the name of sharing on daily basis in the cyber word what she was doing. No one give damn about them. Neither should. They are owner of their profile. You know what does that mean?

Fuck off.

That is not your page. You have issue. Don't follow, don't subscribe. Who says this is your duty to tell what one such post. Calling every one  R word can't help your frustration.

Anyway. It is useless: Telling losers to have distance. There is a boundary. We all have right type lectures don't work. Everyone is minding every's business. 

She might have repented after getting burn out and become another  nice sweet heart of Ramadan Transmission with a proper dupatta on her head, nodding and smiling in a balance way. Who  knows? But life didn't give her that chance. 

She had to go soon.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Pretty little thing.

"My sex doll is so much better than my real wife." by Felix Allen, in The Sun tells us how Japanese men have taken the sex doll to another level. It is nothing like porn or prostitution to fulfill their sexual need. Their relationship with these silicon dolls are beyond physical. This is their true love.

Several Japanese men are living with them openly. Many of their families and friends have accepted it. After all this is their live. In a nut shell these men are actually done with real women all together. Dolls are better than the females is not what one man is saying. Every other men mentioned in that write up have same story to tell, almost.

They have gave up on their wives and girlfriends. One man said that Japanese women are cold hearted. These dolls are actually their ideal women to whom they can tell everything. They listen and understand. These dolls are easy to be with unlike real women.

All of them are saying that it is their beloved dolls who make them happy. They are there for them when they come back home from a long hectic day. They don't nag, don't tell them their problems and have no mood swing issues like real women. Taking a bath together, snuggle and watching T.V is all they want. Real women have failed to understand their needs and wants.

They are not asking much, either, are they?

But what about being loved? How can these pretty dolls love them back?

All type of relations are somehow based on give and take. Real human wants to be loved, cared and respected in return.

It figures that these men are not interested in getting anything in return. Their emotional and physical needs are being fulfilled by these dolls. Relationships are difficult to maintain. Putting up with others good and bad, adjustments, negotiations and compromises is not everyone's cup of tea.

Having a relationship with dolls is real too. Only these men know what they go through in their real lives. Maybe their wives and girlfriends are really pathetic. Or maybe maintaining a real relationship is difficult for them. Or they are lonely. We have no idea. This write up is based on the account mentioned in the original article.

Well, whatever it is, these dolls give them physical, mental and emotional comfort. There are several women who are also happy with their dildos.

Each to their own.

To some extend, these dolls seem like every man's ideal woman. Correct me if I am all wrong, in the end of the day "most" men want someone pretty, little, dumb thing like these dolls, who welcome them with smile and open arms. Who only give them comfort, and pleasure. Who let them watch T.V. or whatever they want to do without bothering them. Who don't talk, don't answer them back, don't yell, don't ask them where they are going, when they will be back, who they are/were with, why they didn't text them back?

What she goes through all day long is none of their business, neither they want to listen it. They are already done with their own day. Therefore, they want mental and physical relaxation. Nags, grumbling and complains are deal breaker to men, isn't?

Am I wrong?

Japanese men took a proactive approach and decided to opt for dolls instead of making it an issue. 

Friday, June 30, 2017

Family drama of late Amjad Sabri.

Late Amjad Sabri's sister did find it okay for their two relative girls to refer themselves as Amjad Sabri's nieces. These two young girls were performing well in one of Ramadan shows when amidst of the show, his sister called they show to stop that. They not only just called but also decided to join the show to teach the girls lesson of calling them Amjad Sabri's niece. Show was hosted by Shaista Lodhi and Noor on ATV. It was as you can see Ramadan Transmission on the 27th of Ramadan, public got the chance to watch domestic darma live on one of the nights of power.

They were literally fighting like women fights in streets and alleys of low in come hoods. Those 40 plus man and woman hosts with a mullah couldn't stop that sister of the great Amjad Sabri to stop insulting those girls.  They were watching full on drama. Shaista Lodhi's confused face was must watch. It was so obvious that Noor sided up totally with the sister of Amjad Sabri fpr the respect late Qawali singer. The  Mullah was cool as cucumber gave diplomatic answer to hug and forgive every one in this holy month. 

No one hugged each other. There was cheapness, anger and insults. T.V show's rating went  up by getting drama on their transmission. More juicer, more better. More insults, more TRP.  

Amjad Sabri's sister started with the pride that women from "their family" don't show up on T.V. They are respected women. (But they can come on T.V and make scene by insulting the girls). Their family is respected. Lots of people (read: men) use the name of great Sabri and Ajmad Sabri  to get shows and all that but they don't go after them. However, they couldn't restrain themselves when they saw some females calling themselves Sabri Sisters and referring themselves as niece of their beloved late brother Amjad Sabri. To them, these unknown females are dragging their family's name through the mud just by on being T.V. And they can't let that happened. Therefore they right there decided to take action to come by themselves and told off these girls, Right? 

How dare they? 

Second thing they were so strongly wanted to tell the world was that these girls are not their relative and they don't know them at all. 

That is  why women education and freedom is so important. When families put restrictions on "their females" from doing what they want to do, then we get to see frustrated aunties. They have nothing to do in their lives. Meal is cooked, home is cleaned by maid, Children are OK. What else left to do?

Tu, tu mein mein..mera khandan, mera baap, mera bhi.

Those girls were openly saying on T.V that their grand father Kamal Sabri and late Amjed Sabri's father Mr. Fareed Sabri were real brothers, then Amjed Sabri and their father were/are cousins, so according to that relation they are right that they are Amjed Sabri's niece and he was his uncle.

For her information, the relation the girls were telling, makes them Sabri too and niece of Amjad Shb. 

How could this be a lie?

How could she doesn't even know them at all?

It was so obvious that it is their family beef. They have some serious issue with Mr. Kamal Sabri  and his family, who biologically whether they like it or not happened to be  their uncle and his family  that they had to come on T.V show. 

It is okay. Lots of people don't get along well with uncles Cahaca and phopa aunts and their families. But that proud of Hamara Khandan Ghar ghar ki aurtein was so low class. Washing dirty laundry in public actually insulted late Amjad Shb. 

Sabri Brothers, Amjad sabri and all that are great qawali singers. Nothing less, nothing more. They are no prophets, that their name can't be used. Their women are also not from the family of some prophets. Those girls have every right to use the name Sabri. However, if sister and family of  Amjad Shb  don't want anyone to be referred anything related to him, then this should be considered, respected and taken seriously. 

I am sure the girls must have done tooba repentance of  giving any reference of being the niece of Amjad Sabri  anywhere from now on. 

Thursday, June 22, 2017

On Groups.

I have two months off. June is about to end. Now I am looking forward to July with the hope of some substantial work. This year  Ramadan  fell in the month of June. Defiantly, the whole schedule is different than any other normal month. All day long I am sleeping for no valid reason like I am not even tired or sleepy. There is nothing much to do. And it is depressing me some how.  Work is blessing for me. It keeps me occupied and happy.

Since last week, S is trying to make a plan to go out with me. Yesterday her In-law aunt called on her. We might meet after Eid, I guess. As it looks like.  

S, and I are doing MS together. The whole class is so found of hanging out in the name of group studies. I avoid  large group. Everyone together.  " Hum saath saath hein" type domestic mentality. And then controlling. Urg !

This happens a lot in group: the controlling part. 

Everyone is different and individual. My life style and natre is firend. Large groups repel me. I feel so lost, and  deindividualize. Then, definitely it requires one to  become a follower. And you can't join the group where you can't feel  the sense of belonging. They start influencing you to do things which you don't want to do. 

Some like me are extroverts but at the same time we know who we are. It is waste of time to be with whom we have no chemistry, That should be fair enough. Or maybe I am so much into my work that I hardly get time to do or meet others.  Yeah, I wasn't like that. But now, things are so different. I didn't do anything, seriously. However, I like it. 

Being in group is not my nature from the start.  When I meet someone, I (try to) make connection with them at the deeper level. And if that understanding and depth are not there, then I am OK with it and move on. Group people are of different type. They are agreeable type. Of course surviving in the group with out agreeing is not possible. Convincing me is not that possible.

There is also no guarantee if these people in so called group are of your type. We have to be very careful with whom we want to spend most of our time with. As Jim Rohan says, we become average of the five people we spend our time with. 

Group means more than one or two person and dealing with their temperament, nature, and habits. At least I don't have this much time. There is an other thing. I am self aware. I somehow know what exactly I want.We just don't want to be left out that is why we immediately attach our self with people without knowing our-self and them. Not only we get attached we also adjust just to be with others.

It is okay to be alone for a while, or with few people who you have chemistry, understanding and something common rather then with those who make you feel left out. 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Mental illness is a real thing.

Aamir Zaki, a renowned  Pakistani guitarist, songwriter and composer died last Friday due to cardiac arrest at the age of 49. He was one of the finest artists of his time. A real musical genuine...very much misunderstood. An inspiration and mentor to many. He and his music was authentic and original, non commercialized. Not for everyone to understand.

May his soul find peace now.

Many of us don't know who Aamir Zakki was in real life because he never shared much. However, an article after his death, My last conversation with Aamir Zaki by Raffy Mehmood  in the Express Tribune is enough for us to tell that maestro was in  trouble. According to that write up, he was going through a lot: Physically, mentally and financially. In his own words, he said that he was bipolar and suffering from the depression. When writer asked him about seeking help, he replied:

"I am taking some very hard medication for depression and that has made my face swell. I am not doing hard drugs any more but I think I am growing weaker by the day. With or without drugs or medication, the end is pretty much the same.”

It seems that he was not much hopeful with his life. Like he said he was done. His mental and unstable financial condition was taking troll on him. And it would not be a recent thing. The demons must be there from so long. He pleaded the writer to not share this until the project is not materialized, or failed to materialized. His fear was that no one will sponsor him if his condition will be revealed.

"And you know why? Because admitting you have problems is problematic for this society. All I have to do is appear ‘alright’ and hide the darkness in my soul, and the sponsors will love me! It’s pro-business you know,” he says.

Mental illness is a real thing. It can finish you. Cherry on the top, we have been told to appear alright in front of others. Just be happy.

How cruel !

As long as it is not happening  to us, we believe in who cares? Whatever others are going through is none of our business. Listening to other people's problem is negativity, so better stay way from them and their problems. 

Only a person who is suffering from depression knows what it feels like. 

Yeah, good ! But it can come to you as well ! 

Reach out. 


Talk to others.

 Give them good advice if you can't help them financially. There are some people who don't have such supportive family and friend like majority have. And that is why they are lost. Troubled. It doesn't mean they should be left alone. We need to understand people. They have issues. It takes troll on their lives. They definitely are not able to reach out. It is our responsibility to say hello and ask how they are doing even if they go in islolation